I survived my first week of classes. Woooo!!! 5 classes in one day, with no breaks is a task but I like just getting them all done. I run on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:15 to 4:30 but I don't mind it. Two of my classes I love, because the professor rocks. She's passionate about her subject, which is Greece and Ancient Greeks and she knows her stuff. If I ever become a professor, I want to be like her. Everyone loves her and you can tell that she gets through to students. All in all my semester will be intense but I can do it, because God is with me.
Now to the point of this post. I am not going to lie, my attitude sucks at my job. Little things grate on me and it only developed over time. Like the way customers will talk to me, like I am stupid or beneath them, when they try to break $100 bills for $5 worth of stuff then get all over me because I can't do it. There are other little things but I am just naming a few. Needless to say that working at a gas station has been a real test of my patience, once that I have been failing epically. My temper for some reason is easily tripped and I get all defensive and angry. I even get that way with certain co-workers. Now don't get me wrong I do enjoy working with many of the people I am working with but some just get under my skin. I am not kind about it either, i am purposefully short and sometimes rude. My personality is non-confrontational, so I only go so far, because I don't want to start a fight or hurt anyone. I just get so frustrated, I have a hard time keeping my temper and attitude in check.
Now one of my co-workers, bless her heart, is a God-loving woman like myself but she's what I hope to be. She doesn't let anything bother her. She's got so much love and grace in her heart that people could be flat out rude and she just smiles it off and doesn't let it get to her. She has a true appreciation for people and knows how God and Jesus would act around these people. She challenged me one day, telling me things I already knew but need to know and I got mad. I thought she didn't understand me, how I thought. If she was at the job as long as I have, maybe she'd understand. My mom kind of has a temper and such, and I would blame it on that, genetics of all things. Deep down though, I knew she was right. And I think what bothered me most was tht I let myself get to this point, to the point where I am not patient with anyone and only kind to a few. Instead of being kind to those who are mean to me, because maybe that's all they need.
I need a change of heart. I need to adjust my thinking, and open myself up to God so he can change me. Being rude and angry toward those that irk me isn't the way. Like I said in my positive reinforcement post, maybe they need a kind word, maybe they had a bad day. I don't know and it's not necessarily my place to know. All I need to do is worry about my heart and my attitude. I need to focus on doing what I know to be right and not let myself get bogged down by other people's opinions and how everyone else responds. I know it won't happen over night but I want it to change. I don't want this dark and ugly cloud over my head all the time. I want to enjoy every aspect of life and all it has to offer. Besides it takes more muscles to frown than to smile and I don't want frown lines. hahaha. A superficial reason but the main reason is I want to be the way Jesus would be. You may not believe it but Jesus would just smile and take the rudeness, he would let it roll off his back and be kind to them anyway. I want to be like him, I want to be like my co-worker and I can be, I just have to be willing to change.
This trial won't be easy and I know it will take time, but once I get through it, I will be that much stronger. I will be that much more pure and closer to be the most valuable goal. But most of all I will be a much better person in this world, a world that needs good people, at least more of them. SO I encourage you, if you know ways you need to change, you can! there is hope!! That's the best part! You can change if you want, you don't have to stay that way, that's what excites me the most. I am going to change and I can't wait to embrace it!
Be Blessed Dearest Readers!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
And so it begins...
Greetings readers!
Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester as an undergrad. I know that's kind of backwards but it is what it is. I am excited because I have kind of missed school, yes I am that nerdy. However, I am not looking forward to all the work that is about to overwhelm me. At least the subject matter of my classes is interesting and maybe in this semester I will find what I want to Master in. I have so many likes, dreams and such that I am not entirely sure what I want. God is faithful, so I know he will show me at some point.
I am anxious to get this semester over with, which is sad considering it hasn't even officially started for me yet. But I am anxious because this is the end of a chapter for me. I feel like my life will really begin once I graduate. I have been a student since kindergarten, so to be a college graduate (again) and not immediately go back is going to be weird. I will look for a job in my field and then my life will start a new chapter. Honestly I am looking forward to this next chapter, I am kind of over the last one. Now I can honestly say I have never felt that way about an actual book, just the novel that is my life. I am working on gaining more patience, but it takes time.
As far as posting goes, it will be rather slow after about two weeks. Classes tend to pick up then but I will always be thinking about my faithful readers. I am so thankful for you all. I went from like 136 views to 157 overnight it seemed and that makes me feel pretty darn special. I am glad to know that people are reading, and that I am getting what's on my heart out. It's a real blessing. So thanks for reading.
What did make me laugh recently, was finding an old journal entry. It was form some old notebook I found when I was cleaning the other day. What is truly awesome about it, is me writing to God expressing my desire to write something epic, something that touches lives. I want to be the next J.K Rowling, Stephanie Meyer, Cassandra Clare, Jennifer Armentrout and so on. That's always been my heart desire and seeing that old entry makes it even more so. God puts dreams and hopes into each and everyone of us and it's cool to see how some of them never change. What has God put on your heart? What have you longed to do? Look back and see if those dreams you thought were crap are still alive in your heart. You never know how they will work out. Keep the faith!
Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester as an undergrad. I know that's kind of backwards but it is what it is. I am excited because I have kind of missed school, yes I am that nerdy. However, I am not looking forward to all the work that is about to overwhelm me. At least the subject matter of my classes is interesting and maybe in this semester I will find what I want to Master in. I have so many likes, dreams and such that I am not entirely sure what I want. God is faithful, so I know he will show me at some point.
I am anxious to get this semester over with, which is sad considering it hasn't even officially started for me yet. But I am anxious because this is the end of a chapter for me. I feel like my life will really begin once I graduate. I have been a student since kindergarten, so to be a college graduate (again) and not immediately go back is going to be weird. I will look for a job in my field and then my life will start a new chapter. Honestly I am looking forward to this next chapter, I am kind of over the last one. Now I can honestly say I have never felt that way about an actual book, just the novel that is my life. I am working on gaining more patience, but it takes time.
As far as posting goes, it will be rather slow after about two weeks. Classes tend to pick up then but I will always be thinking about my faithful readers. I am so thankful for you all. I went from like 136 views to 157 overnight it seemed and that makes me feel pretty darn special. I am glad to know that people are reading, and that I am getting what's on my heart out. It's a real blessing. So thanks for reading.
What did make me laugh recently, was finding an old journal entry. It was form some old notebook I found when I was cleaning the other day. What is truly awesome about it, is me writing to God expressing my desire to write something epic, something that touches lives. I want to be the next J.K Rowling, Stephanie Meyer, Cassandra Clare, Jennifer Armentrout and so on. That's always been my heart desire and seeing that old entry makes it even more so. God puts dreams and hopes into each and everyone of us and it's cool to see how some of them never change. What has God put on your heart? What have you longed to do? Look back and see if those dreams you thought were crap are still alive in your heart. You never know how they will work out. Keep the faith!
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Feeling Low?
Hello faithful readers!
If I haven't thanked you yet, here it is. Thank You for faithfully reading my blog. When I started this blog I was a bit scared, scared that it would just be me writing my thoughts down and that's it. In my mind that's what a journal is for, and I do journal quite often. I just knew I had thoughts to share with the world and what better way than the internet. So that's what I did and I have been blessed by seeing all the views and the few who have commented. I know that I am reaching people, somehow, someway, even if I know you already. So thanks for reading, and I hope you are blessed just as much as I have been, which is a lot.
In life we all go through various trials. They aren't the same for everyone because everyone is unique and has their own battles they have to face. One of mine, at least lately, is feeling insignificant or invisible. I feel like I am not seen and that people just don't care. It's hard to admit because I try to look on the bright side of life but things just haven't been working out that way lately. When it comes to things of this nature, I usually see the glass half empty and I am not a fan. I will tweet someone or text someone or even IM someone and they might never respond and that says to me "i don't want to talk to you", "i am just gonna ignore you in hopes you go away" or something along that train of thought. I know it sounds crazy but it really does bother me. If you are busy let me know and I will be alright but flat out ignoring me in any social media isn't helping matters. Now sometimes people don't always see it or they may not get the message, that I can understand but i usually assume the worse.
Now all of this brings to mind a quote I heard:
I struggle with this a lot. I always feel like the one screaming at the top of her lungs in a room full of people and no one notices. But that's all my perception. I am sure there are quite a few people who would notice. I do matter, I am visible and what I say does matter to people. Now convincing myself of that is another challenge but I want you dear reader to know you matter. People don't always show it because we are who we are. I admit I am selfish, and so are other people. Sometimes we don't realize how we effect others with the way we deal with things. My first instinct is to pull away and it caused some major rifts between me and people, which is part of why i feel unimportant and like I don't matter. But I do. Only I have the power to mend those bridges, to fix the rifts I've caused. it's not gonna be easy and honestly my pride got in my way. But I am laying that aside to fix those things in my life that need fixed.
I will feel low at times, it sucks but it happens. But I am slowly healing, I am learning how to think properly. I am letting my mind be renewed and thinking the way God intended me to think. He wants me, you, everyone to know we are special in his eyes that we aren't inferior, we matter and he sees us. I need to start seeing that. However I will go through periods were it's just easier to give into the negative then stay positive, but I just have to collect myself and keep moving forward.
So don't feel low reader. You matter! I see you...well metaphorically!! And I hope this made sense because my thoughts are kind of jumbled today!! But yes, we matter, and we have no reason to feel low! There are good things all around us, we just have to want to see them!
If I haven't thanked you yet, here it is. Thank You for faithfully reading my blog. When I started this blog I was a bit scared, scared that it would just be me writing my thoughts down and that's it. In my mind that's what a journal is for, and I do journal quite often. I just knew I had thoughts to share with the world and what better way than the internet. So that's what I did and I have been blessed by seeing all the views and the few who have commented. I know that I am reaching people, somehow, someway, even if I know you already. So thanks for reading, and I hope you are blessed just as much as I have been, which is a lot.
In life we all go through various trials. They aren't the same for everyone because everyone is unique and has their own battles they have to face. One of mine, at least lately, is feeling insignificant or invisible. I feel like I am not seen and that people just don't care. It's hard to admit because I try to look on the bright side of life but things just haven't been working out that way lately. When it comes to things of this nature, I usually see the glass half empty and I am not a fan. I will tweet someone or text someone or even IM someone and they might never respond and that says to me "i don't want to talk to you", "i am just gonna ignore you in hopes you go away" or something along that train of thought. I know it sounds crazy but it really does bother me. If you are busy let me know and I will be alright but flat out ignoring me in any social media isn't helping matters. Now sometimes people don't always see it or they may not get the message, that I can understand but i usually assume the worse.
Now all of this brings to mind a quote I heard:
"No one can make you inferior without your consent" - Eleanor RooseveltI thought about that for a minute. Yeah it's a nice feel good quote that is suppose to empower you and make you feel better but it never usually did with me. I was thinking about it in the midst of my "poor nicol" party and realized something. I was giving people the power to make me feel that way. I was letting their actions or lack their of give them power over me. I was getting angry at them for something I did. It was like a total epiphany moment. lol. I also realized something important too. I matter to God, he sees me, he loves me and he cares what I have to say. That also helped alleviate some of my pain. When I say I gave people power to make me feel inferior or invisible, I mean this. When I tweeted that person and they didn't respond, I got upset and figured well I obviously mean nothing to them, so whatever. I got upset and i just assumed they didn't care or even want to talk to me. I gave them the power to make me feel low and not worth their time. In reality, they just missed my tweet and when they did get it, it was too late for them to respond to whatever my question was. My perception of the whole situation was way off.
I struggle with this a lot. I always feel like the one screaming at the top of her lungs in a room full of people and no one notices. But that's all my perception. I am sure there are quite a few people who would notice. I do matter, I am visible and what I say does matter to people. Now convincing myself of that is another challenge but I want you dear reader to know you matter. People don't always show it because we are who we are. I admit I am selfish, and so are other people. Sometimes we don't realize how we effect others with the way we deal with things. My first instinct is to pull away and it caused some major rifts between me and people, which is part of why i feel unimportant and like I don't matter. But I do. Only I have the power to mend those bridges, to fix the rifts I've caused. it's not gonna be easy and honestly my pride got in my way. But I am laying that aside to fix those things in my life that need fixed.
I will feel low at times, it sucks but it happens. But I am slowly healing, I am learning how to think properly. I am letting my mind be renewed and thinking the way God intended me to think. He wants me, you, everyone to know we are special in his eyes that we aren't inferior, we matter and he sees us. I need to start seeing that. However I will go through periods were it's just easier to give into the negative then stay positive, but I just have to collect myself and keep moving forward.
So don't feel low reader. You matter! I see you...well metaphorically!! And I hope this made sense because my thoughts are kind of jumbled today!! But yes, we matter, and we have no reason to feel low! There are good things all around us, we just have to want to see them!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Of Movies and Dreams
It's a wonderful night for me, my dear readers!
I just got back from seeing Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. I loved it! I won't review it fully just yet, that's what Mondays are for. But I really do recommend seeing it. However, I am worried for the film. It opened today and when I went to the movie theater, I expected to see a huge crowd but there wasn't. I think there was a grand total of 12 people in the theater when Myself and My Mom were there. Now granted it was a wednesday night, middle of the week, people had work the next day but still. I am really worried for everyone on the film and Cassandra Clare. I too am an aspiring writer and would love to see what I write hit the screen and I am just concerned. The reviews aren't good so far and it's just got me all nerves. I know it's silly but I know how I would be if I were in that position. However the movie was worth seeing, even if you haven't read the book before.
Watching this movie however stirred a desire in me that I've had for a long time. I am aspiring writer, I haven't written anything exciting but I came to a conclusion today. I am going to write short stories when I get the ideas. It's a start and someday they may turn into something so much more. I have a dream to one day write a book and touch the lives of others. My dream goes much farther than that because I want to see it on the big screen. I want my words to come to life. I know it seems far fetched but I just can't help it, it's in me. I've always been an avid reader and a movie person and it would just be neat to see those two things come together. I also want to teach history too. I am just a woman of many dreams. I know that God made me this way and blessed me with this imagination, and I am going to seek him to cultivate the ideas. I am just so inspired.
I said all of this to encourage you, to follow your dreams. And to go see the Mortal Instruments because I so badly want them to do well. But your dreams are not far fetched, nothing is out of reach or impossible. You've just got to believe and wait for proper timing. So be encouraged, and I hope you have a blessed day!!
I just got back from seeing Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. I loved it! I won't review it fully just yet, that's what Mondays are for. But I really do recommend seeing it. However, I am worried for the film. It opened today and when I went to the movie theater, I expected to see a huge crowd but there wasn't. I think there was a grand total of 12 people in the theater when Myself and My Mom were there. Now granted it was a wednesday night, middle of the week, people had work the next day but still. I am really worried for everyone on the film and Cassandra Clare. I too am an aspiring writer and would love to see what I write hit the screen and I am just concerned. The reviews aren't good so far and it's just got me all nerves. I know it's silly but I know how I would be if I were in that position. However the movie was worth seeing, even if you haven't read the book before.
Watching this movie however stirred a desire in me that I've had for a long time. I am aspiring writer, I haven't written anything exciting but I came to a conclusion today. I am going to write short stories when I get the ideas. It's a start and someday they may turn into something so much more. I have a dream to one day write a book and touch the lives of others. My dream goes much farther than that because I want to see it on the big screen. I want my words to come to life. I know it seems far fetched but I just can't help it, it's in me. I've always been an avid reader and a movie person and it would just be neat to see those two things come together. I also want to teach history too. I am just a woman of many dreams. I know that God made me this way and blessed me with this imagination, and I am going to seek him to cultivate the ideas. I am just so inspired.
I said all of this to encourage you, to follow your dreams. And to go see the Mortal Instruments because I so badly want them to do well. But your dreams are not far fetched, nothing is out of reach or impossible. You've just got to believe and wait for proper timing. So be encouraged, and I hope you have a blessed day!!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Book Review Tuesday!
Greetings Readers!
I am super excited, I have 100 page views in just a week. I am so excited that I've had people reading my blog!! I cannot believe it's been a week since I have started this thing up and it's been a pretty awesome week. I am very glad with the way the blog has been going and I am hoping for many more weeks of deep thoughts, good reviews and other stuff like that.
Now onto this week's book review. Today's book, in honor of the movie coming out, is City of Bones By Cassandra Clare. Now this book too is part of a series and I would love to review them all but I am going to do this book separately. Only because the movie adaption is coming out tomorrow and I am super excited!!
Again my mother recommended this series to me. My mother knows me and my taste in books quite well and half of the books I've read I have found through my mother. This series is another gem that my awesome mother helped me fine. Now I have a thing for stories of fallen angels or Nephilim, I love the concept and the various explanations and uses for them in society that Author's take. Now I have read a lot of books about Nephilim but Cassandra Clare's take is absolutely wonderful, and I think it's one of my favorites. She creates a world within our own that really opens the eyes. In the story she explains the unexplainable and no one would realize the differences.
We meet Clarissa Fray, a young high school student who leads a pretty normal life. However one night when she and her friend are out a club, living their normal lives she sees something that completely rocks her world. What she witness will literally change the course of her life and unlock things inside of her that she had no idea was there. Everything that she thought she knew will be challenged and see will see the world in a different light. It's definitely a wild ride. It's a story of one girl's journey to discover who she is and the people who help her on that journey. It's also the story of a shadowhunter who closed himself off, and threw himself into his world. It's the story of a nerdy guy who suddenly becomes something more. Various characters are brought together and their stories intertwine and take you on the journey of a lifetime. Forget what you thought you know...because you could be very wrong.
The characters are really the best part because they aren't just your run of the mill characters. They have so much depth and their back stories and lives are so intricate. When you read it you may think you have a character pegged, but as you continue to delve into the story you realize just how wrong you were. There are twists and turns and exciting plot points and action scenes. There is seriously never a dull moment in this story. You are on the edge of your sheet wondering what's going to happen next. I am sure you all know by now that I don't like to give away spoilers, so if you haven't read the book, go read it. This story will definitely capture your imagination and suck you right in. Many times people read the synopsis and cast assumptions about characters, and plots but that is not the case with this book series.
The coolest part of all this is, I asked Cassandra Clare what her inspiration was and she totally responded and here is that she said:
If you have not read City of Bones, I highly recommend you read it before you go see the movie. There is only so much a movie can convey so make sure to read the book and then see the movie. I promise you this book series won't disappoint you.
I am super excited, I have 100 page views in just a week. I am so excited that I've had people reading my blog!! I cannot believe it's been a week since I have started this thing up and it's been a pretty awesome week. I am very glad with the way the blog has been going and I am hoping for many more weeks of deep thoughts, good reviews and other stuff like that.
Now onto this week's book review. Today's book, in honor of the movie coming out, is City of Bones By Cassandra Clare. Now this book too is part of a series and I would love to review them all but I am going to do this book separately. Only because the movie adaption is coming out tomorrow and I am super excited!!
We meet Clarissa Fray, a young high school student who leads a pretty normal life. However one night when she and her friend are out a club, living their normal lives she sees something that completely rocks her world. What she witness will literally change the course of her life and unlock things inside of her that she had no idea was there. Everything that she thought she knew will be challenged and see will see the world in a different light. It's definitely a wild ride. It's a story of one girl's journey to discover who she is and the people who help her on that journey. It's also the story of a shadowhunter who closed himself off, and threw himself into his world. It's the story of a nerdy guy who suddenly becomes something more. Various characters are brought together and their stories intertwine and take you on the journey of a lifetime. Forget what you thought you know...because you could be very wrong.
The characters are really the best part because they aren't just your run of the mill characters. They have so much depth and their back stories and lives are so intricate. When you read it you may think you have a character pegged, but as you continue to delve into the story you realize just how wrong you were. There are twists and turns and exciting plot points and action scenes. There is seriously never a dull moment in this story. You are on the edge of your sheet wondering what's going to happen next. I am sure you all know by now that I don't like to give away spoilers, so if you haven't read the book, go read it. This story will definitely capture your imagination and suck you right in. Many times people read the synopsis and cast assumptions about characters, and plots but that is not the case with this book series.
The coolest part of all this is, I asked Cassandra Clare what her inspiration was and she totally responded and here is that she said:
"The idea for the Mortal Instruments came to me one afternoon in the East Village. I was with a good friend of mine, who was taking me to see the tattoo shop where she used to work. She wanted to show me that her footprints were on the ceiling in black paint — in fact the footprints of everyone who’d worked there were on the ceiling, crisscrossing each other and making patterns. To me it looked like some fabulous supernatural battle had been fought there by beings who’d left their footprints behind. I started thinking about a magical battle in a New York tattoo shop and the idea of a secret society of demon-hunters whose magic was based on an elaborate system of tattooed runes just sprang into my mind. When I sat down to sketch out the book, I wanted to write something that would combine elements of traditional high fantasy — an epic battle between good and evil, terrible monsters, brave heroes, enchanted swords — and recast it through a modern, urban lens. So you have the Shadowhunters, who are these very classic warriors following their millennia-old traditions, but in these urban, modern spaces: skyscrapers, warehouses, abandoned hotels, rock concerts. In fairy tales, it was the dark and mysterious forest outside the town that held the magic and danger. I wanted to create a world where the city has become the forest — where these urban spaces hold their own enchantments, danger, mysteries and strange beauty. It’s just that only the Shadowhunters can see them as they really are."How cool is this? As an aspiring author myself I thought all of this was amazing. Of course she gets massive brownie points for responding to me. I feel so special when an Author takes the time to answer my question. Regardless how cool is that she blended a biblical concept with the new age. These bad ass warriors who look the same as you and me, these shadowhunters who fight to protect us and we don't even know it. I think it's an excellent concept and a really neat story and definitely worth a read. I know I didn't regret it and found myself immersed into a world much like my own.
If you have not read City of Bones, I highly recommend you read it before you go see the movie. There is only so much a movie can convey so make sure to read the book and then see the movie. I promise you this book series won't disappoint you.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Missing Out
Salve Readers (That's Latin for Greetings, Hello, Salutations that kind of thing, I am being nerdy),
I hope everyone is having an awesome weekend. My weekend has been a wild ride that is for sure. Work always gets me all worked up but God is teaching me patience, so I will take the lesson. It's not an easy one to learn because I have a bit of a temper but it's one I need. So I endure this trail, because I will come out that much stronger.
Today was my church's anniversary picnic. 19 years! My church has been around for 19 wonderful years and I am happy to be with them for 12 of those years. I do love my church, it's a great group of people with the best Pastors at the helm. Pardon my squee moment, I just really do love my church and it's hard to contain at times. Anyways, every August we have a picnic to celebrate another year, and it's full of fun, tasty food and fellowship. Lately, I have been kind of a hermit, so I hated going. I have had the opinion as of late that I don't matter, I am insignificant to these people, and honestly, was so hurt by some I just closed myself off. It was easier than putting myself back out there and getting hurt all over again. I don't deal well with pain and I didn't want anymore. In my selfish mind, I had been hurt enough and if anyone was missing me, or wanted to talk to me, they could seek me out. That is seriously not the right train of thought.
I am not going to lie, I kind of have a woe is me attitude toward things. When I get hurt or offended I tend to retreat and close myself off. I don't want to put myself back out there because I don't want to get hurt. What person in their right mind wants to get hurt on purpose? I don't think anyone truly does. The worst part is I closed myself off because of hurts and the person who hurt me probably doesn't even know they did it. So I just cut them out of my life and they have no idea why, which is probably why they didn't ever seek me out. I took the totally wrong approach to the whole thing. I am sure you are wondering how I stumbled onto this, and I will explain.
At the picnic today, I had a good talk with friends I've known since i started at the church. Those girls and I have been through thick and thin together. However as of late I had cut myself off because I just didn't feel important to them, and various other reasons. I figured why bother? They don't want anything to do with me obviously? What kicked me out of this funk was hearing about their lives. Things that I had missed out on, opportunity for laughter and talks and just getting to know these two awesome women. Yes we have had our differences and we all have a lot of personality and different views but that's what makes our friendships so fun. We each bring something different to the table and it makes for a fun and exciting time. Like I said because of hurts and offenses I just shut them out and as I sat there and listened to them talk, I felt so sad. I also felt rather stupid because I let myself get to that point. Yes there will be hard times in friendships, if everything was easy it wouldn't be fun or anything special, but I believe every friendship is special in it's own way. The hits kept on coming when I was talking to my best guy friend, we've been friends for 12 long years and our friendship survived a lot, even long distance. This guy is a dear dear friend, and hard to take at times (he does know I love him anyway) but again I let myself close him out. I learned about his life and felt so embarrassed and like the world's worst friend for not keeping up. I was severely slacking as a friend. So it's no surprise that I felt like I had no friends lately....I was shutting them all out. ME, not them, ME.
For the longest time I was bemoaning my lack of friends and here the answer was staring me right in the face. I was the problem. We get hurt in life, whether it's intentional or not, it happens. When that happens we have two choices, we either face the hurt head on and deal with it, or we let it fester and make us bitter thus cutting people off and only hurting ourselves more. I am totally guilty of the second one. It was to the point where I would get upset when they didn't seek me out. I wanted people to make an effort to see me. In my mind i figured if I was important to them they would seek me out. Again this is the wrong way to think about things. If my friends didn't know that I was hurt by them and I suddenly cut them out, why would they come seek me out? They probably wouldn't thinking I want to be left alone or I may have hurt them in the process.
Dear readers, It's time for us, me included, to stop hiding from the world. I have friends who need me, and they may not know it but they do and I need them. I like to think of this imagery: Swords. If they don't get used they are useless, but in order to make them sharp and a worthy weapon of a knight they need to be sharpened. To be the best version of myself, God gave me friends to help sharpen me. Yes we may bicker and fit but we sharpen each other. We challenge each other and through those challenges we learn and we grow. Whether we want to admit it or not we need each other. I don't know about you but I am tired of being lonely, even though God is always with me, I also want to be the best possible version of myself. I want to be in the lives of those awesome friends of mine. I know you have friends that you think that way about. We all have hurts but the true challenge is forgiving and moving on. Don't let it hold you back. You have something to offer to any friendship you encounter, so go sharpen those other swords =) Yes that sounds cheesy and kind of weird but I am sure you get it.
God never intended for us to walk this earth alone. He made friendships to help us grow, and deal with the various trials of life. You were not meant to go through these trials by fire alone, and I for one don't want to. I know I have thrown a lot for you to think about. It was definitely a mind bender for me and I am honestly thankful for the revelation. Now my task is getting together with these friends and reforming those friendships. I need my friends. So think about a friendship that is lacking, and if you don't, then you are doing awesome. But if you do, reflect on it and see what you can do to open yourself up. You will get hurt again but you will overcome it, just like I will.
Blessings!!,
Nicol
I hope everyone is having an awesome weekend. My weekend has been a wild ride that is for sure. Work always gets me all worked up but God is teaching me patience, so I will take the lesson. It's not an easy one to learn because I have a bit of a temper but it's one I need. So I endure this trail, because I will come out that much stronger.
Today was my church's anniversary picnic. 19 years! My church has been around for 19 wonderful years and I am happy to be with them for 12 of those years. I do love my church, it's a great group of people with the best Pastors at the helm. Pardon my squee moment, I just really do love my church and it's hard to contain at times. Anyways, every August we have a picnic to celebrate another year, and it's full of fun, tasty food and fellowship. Lately, I have been kind of a hermit, so I hated going. I have had the opinion as of late that I don't matter, I am insignificant to these people, and honestly, was so hurt by some I just closed myself off. It was easier than putting myself back out there and getting hurt all over again. I don't deal well with pain and I didn't want anymore. In my selfish mind, I had been hurt enough and if anyone was missing me, or wanted to talk to me, they could seek me out. That is seriously not the right train of thought.
I am not going to lie, I kind of have a woe is me attitude toward things. When I get hurt or offended I tend to retreat and close myself off. I don't want to put myself back out there because I don't want to get hurt. What person in their right mind wants to get hurt on purpose? I don't think anyone truly does. The worst part is I closed myself off because of hurts and the person who hurt me probably doesn't even know they did it. So I just cut them out of my life and they have no idea why, which is probably why they didn't ever seek me out. I took the totally wrong approach to the whole thing. I am sure you are wondering how I stumbled onto this, and I will explain.
At the picnic today, I had a good talk with friends I've known since i started at the church. Those girls and I have been through thick and thin together. However as of late I had cut myself off because I just didn't feel important to them, and various other reasons. I figured why bother? They don't want anything to do with me obviously? What kicked me out of this funk was hearing about their lives. Things that I had missed out on, opportunity for laughter and talks and just getting to know these two awesome women. Yes we have had our differences and we all have a lot of personality and different views but that's what makes our friendships so fun. We each bring something different to the table and it makes for a fun and exciting time. Like I said because of hurts and offenses I just shut them out and as I sat there and listened to them talk, I felt so sad. I also felt rather stupid because I let myself get to that point. Yes there will be hard times in friendships, if everything was easy it wouldn't be fun or anything special, but I believe every friendship is special in it's own way. The hits kept on coming when I was talking to my best guy friend, we've been friends for 12 long years and our friendship survived a lot, even long distance. This guy is a dear dear friend, and hard to take at times (he does know I love him anyway) but again I let myself close him out. I learned about his life and felt so embarrassed and like the world's worst friend for not keeping up. I was severely slacking as a friend. So it's no surprise that I felt like I had no friends lately....I was shutting them all out. ME, not them, ME.
For the longest time I was bemoaning my lack of friends and here the answer was staring me right in the face. I was the problem. We get hurt in life, whether it's intentional or not, it happens. When that happens we have two choices, we either face the hurt head on and deal with it, or we let it fester and make us bitter thus cutting people off and only hurting ourselves more. I am totally guilty of the second one. It was to the point where I would get upset when they didn't seek me out. I wanted people to make an effort to see me. In my mind i figured if I was important to them they would seek me out. Again this is the wrong way to think about things. If my friends didn't know that I was hurt by them and I suddenly cut them out, why would they come seek me out? They probably wouldn't thinking I want to be left alone or I may have hurt them in the process.
Dear readers, It's time for us, me included, to stop hiding from the world. I have friends who need me, and they may not know it but they do and I need them. I like to think of this imagery: Swords. If they don't get used they are useless, but in order to make them sharp and a worthy weapon of a knight they need to be sharpened. To be the best version of myself, God gave me friends to help sharpen me. Yes we may bicker and fit but we sharpen each other. We challenge each other and through those challenges we learn and we grow. Whether we want to admit it or not we need each other. I don't know about you but I am tired of being lonely, even though God is always with me, I also want to be the best possible version of myself. I want to be in the lives of those awesome friends of mine. I know you have friends that you think that way about. We all have hurts but the true challenge is forgiving and moving on. Don't let it hold you back. You have something to offer to any friendship you encounter, so go sharpen those other swords =) Yes that sounds cheesy and kind of weird but I am sure you get it.
God never intended for us to walk this earth alone. He made friendships to help us grow, and deal with the various trials of life. You were not meant to go through these trials by fire alone, and I for one don't want to. I know I have thrown a lot for you to think about. It was definitely a mind bender for me and I am honestly thankful for the revelation. Now my task is getting together with these friends and reforming those friendships. I need my friends. So think about a friendship that is lacking, and if you don't, then you are doing awesome. But if you do, reflect on it and see what you can do to open yourself up. You will get hurt again but you will overcome it, just like I will.
Blessings!!,
Nicol
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Just a Short Post
Greetings Readers!
I know it's been a few days but Fridays and Saturdays are usually my busy days because I usually work 8 to 9 hour shifts, so I come home exhausted. But I wanted to let you know I am still in the land of the living. I kicked my own butt at the gym this week and it's definitely taken it's toll. I am an avid gym rat, I love working out and I like being sore, sick I know. But I am gonna rest up this weekend and be ready to go by Monday, for my first ever Movie Monday Post!! My mom and I have a tradition of seeing movies every other monday and being the movie person that I am, I love to recommend and share my thoughts on movies, so check back Monday evening for my Movie Review and Recommendation.
Today's short thought: Don't be afraid to be who you are. You were uniquely made and the world isn't nearly as bright without you being true to yourself. God made each of us in a specific way, and we need to engage in that. I know that I haven't always been true to myself, wanting others to like me or just fit in but I realized one day that I don't need people's approval. God made me the way he did, he made me the person I am., and I want to be that person. Sure I'm a little goofy and don't tend to think like much of society but that's just me. So be you today! Rock your awesome self!
Blessings,
Nicol
I know it's been a few days but Fridays and Saturdays are usually my busy days because I usually work 8 to 9 hour shifts, so I come home exhausted. But I wanted to let you know I am still in the land of the living. I kicked my own butt at the gym this week and it's definitely taken it's toll. I am an avid gym rat, I love working out and I like being sore, sick I know. But I am gonna rest up this weekend and be ready to go by Monday, for my first ever Movie Monday Post!! My mom and I have a tradition of seeing movies every other monday and being the movie person that I am, I love to recommend and share my thoughts on movies, so check back Monday evening for my Movie Review and Recommendation.
Today's short thought: Don't be afraid to be who you are. You were uniquely made and the world isn't nearly as bright without you being true to yourself. God made each of us in a specific way, and we need to engage in that. I know that I haven't always been true to myself, wanting others to like me or just fit in but I realized one day that I don't need people's approval. God made me the way he did, he made me the person I am., and I want to be that person. Sure I'm a little goofy and don't tend to think like much of society but that's just me. So be you today! Rock your awesome self!
Blessings,
Nicol
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