Honesty

Happy October!!!!

I absolutely love Fall. The leaves turn beautiful shades of orange, red and yellow. Pumpkin flavored everything comes out, and do not forget apple flavored things. It's a season of boots, I love my boots, and have a nice collection. And the weather is not too hot not too cold, so it's really just perfect. I love me some fall. If you don't get into Fall, hang out with someone who does, I am sure they can turn you onto the beauty and splendor that it is. If you don't ever get into fall, I will label you the Fall Grinch and shun you. hahahah just kidding.

So Ladies and Gents, I have been ruminating on some things, (YES BIG WORD), it's just my fancy way of saying reflecting or thinking. Back to the point, I have been thinking about Honesty. Everyone says that hokey line "Honesty is the best policy" and don't get me wrong it's somewhat true. What they don't tell you is that Honesty is rather scary and really hard. At least it is that way for me.

I hate confrontation, I hate getting in fights and I suck at being honest. It's not in my personality to fight with people and most of the time when I am mad at them, they are completely clueless. Want to know why? Ding Ding Ding, I have a hard time being honest. I am so afraid to tell someone what I think or feel because I don't want to fight or if I am honest, lose that I just clam right up. I know there are people even today who still have no idea why I am distant with them. In the past they have done something to upset me or hurt me and me being a coward was too afraid to tell them that. Even now I have a few people who have done this or that and I am too much of a chicken to just tell them how I feel. It's not like how I feel is wrong, I have talked to others who give me advice tell me I am not in the wrong, I just don't want to start a fight.

Today I took a step and told a friend what I felt about something. Now in my head I saw her freaking out and telling me all these horrible things and it ending in a fight where we don't speak. Did it happen that way? Wanna guess? It didn't. It went well because I sat down and made my feelings known, I expressed how I felt in a calm manner and it got resolved. We talked it out and now things are fine. We acted like mature adults and got through the problem and moved on. Now will every situation be this easy? Absolutely not. None of us were made the same way, we all have different thoughts and feelings and it may not always work out so well. I just got really lucky.

Was I scared to death the entire time? Yes. But it felt empowering. I tend to be a dweller. I may not voice how i feel, I instead keep it held in and it festers and festers until I kind of explode. Let me just tell you this now, it's not good and it never ends well. I will vent to a few people here and there but I mainly keep it to myself. This is not healthy in any way, in fact it does nothing but hurt me and not anyone else. It also makes me more bitter and again doesn't affect the other person at all. Nine times out of ten the other person had no idea there was even a problem an if they did they never said anything to me about it. So again it doesn't really harm anyone but myself.

Being honest with my friend as refreshing and hard but it made me realize that Honesty really isn't all that scary. I just have to ask the Lord for wisdom and timing. Those are the two key compents to Honesty. You have to have the right words at the right time or otherwise things may blow up in your face. So wait on the Lord and let him direct your words like he did with me!

Now if you have no problem being honest and telling it like it is, then you may need to pull back some, or put a filter on yourself. Blunt honesty is rather hurtful, I have been on the tail end of that so I know. Again it's about pausing for wisdom and knowing who you are talking to.

Be encouraged, and Be Bold when you need to be. Some day I will be able to be honest without fear. It's not going to change over night but my experience with my friend is a small stepping stone of success!