Feeling Low?

Hello faithful readers!

If I haven't thanked you yet, here it is. Thank You for faithfully reading my blog. When I started this blog I was a bit scared, scared that it would just be me writing my thoughts down and that's it. In my mind that's what a journal is for, and I do journal quite often. I just knew I had thoughts to share with the world and what better way than the internet. So that's what I did and I have been blessed by seeing all the views and the few who have commented. I know that I am reaching people, somehow, someway, even if I know you already. So thanks for reading, and I hope you are blessed just as much as I have been, which is a lot.

In life we all go through various trials. They aren't the same for everyone because everyone is unique and has their own battles they have to face. One of mine, at least lately, is feeling insignificant or invisible. I feel like I am not seen and that people just don't care. It's hard to admit because I try to look on the bright side of life but things just haven't been working out that way lately. When it comes to things of this nature, I usually see the glass half empty and I am not a fan. I will tweet someone or text someone or even IM someone and they might never respond and that says to me "i don't want to talk to you", "i am just gonna ignore you in hopes you go away" or something along that train of thought. I know it sounds crazy but it really does bother me. If you are busy let me know and I will be alright but flat out ignoring me in any social media isn't helping matters. Now sometimes people don't always see it or they may not get the message, that I can understand but i usually assume the worse.

Now all of this brings to mind a quote I heard:

"No one can make you inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

I thought about that for a minute. Yeah it's a nice feel good quote that is suppose to empower you and make you feel better but it never usually did with me. I was thinking about it in the midst of my "poor nicol" party and realized something. I was giving people the power to make me feel that way. I was letting their actions or lack their of give them power over me. I was getting angry at them for something I did. It was like a total epiphany moment. lol. I also realized something important too. I matter to God, he sees me, he loves me and he cares what I have to say. That also helped alleviate some of my pain.  When I say I gave people power to make me feel inferior or invisible, I mean this. When I tweeted that person and they didn't respond, I got upset and figured well I obviously mean nothing to them, so whatever. I got upset and i just assumed they didn't care or even want to talk to me. I gave them the power to make me feel low and not worth their time. In reality, they just missed my tweet and when they did get it, it was too late for them to respond to whatever my question was. My perception of the whole situation was way off.

I struggle with this a lot. I always feel like the one screaming at the top of her lungs in a room full of people and no one notices. But that's all my perception. I am sure there are quite a few people who would notice. I do matter, I am visible and what I say does matter to people. Now convincing myself of that is another challenge but I want you dear reader to know you matter. People don't always show it because we are who we are. I admit I am selfish, and so are other people. Sometimes we don't realize how we effect others with the way we deal with things. My first instinct is to pull away and it caused some major rifts between me and people, which is part of why i feel unimportant and like I don't matter. But I do. Only I have the power to mend those bridges, to fix the rifts I've caused. it's not gonna be easy and honestly my pride got in my way. But I am laying that aside to fix those things in my life that need fixed.

I will feel low at times, it sucks but it happens. But I am slowly healing, I am learning how to think properly. I am letting my mind be renewed and thinking the way God intended me to think. He wants me, you, everyone to know we are special in his eyes that we aren't inferior, we matter and he sees us. I need to start seeing that. However I will go through periods were it's just easier to give into the negative then stay positive, but I just have to collect myself and keep moving forward.

So don't feel low reader. You matter! I see you...well metaphorically!! And I hope this made sense because my thoughts are kind of jumbled today!! But yes, we matter, and we have no reason to feel low! There are good things all around us, we just have to want to see them!