I survived my first week of classes. Woooo!!! 5 classes in one day, with no breaks is a task but I like just getting them all done. I run on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:15 to 4:30 but I don't mind it. Two of my classes I love, because the professor rocks. She's passionate about her subject, which is Greece and Ancient Greeks and she knows her stuff. If I ever become a professor, I want to be like her. Everyone loves her and you can tell that she gets through to students. All in all my semester will be intense but I can do it, because God is with me.
Now to the point of this post. I am not going to lie, my attitude sucks at my job. Little things grate on me and it only developed over time. Like the way customers will talk to me, like I am stupid or beneath them, when they try to break $100 bills for $5 worth of stuff then get all over me because I can't do it. There are other little things but I am just naming a few. Needless to say that working at a gas station has been a real test of my patience, once that I have been failing epically. My temper for some reason is easily tripped and I get all defensive and angry. I even get that way with certain co-workers. Now don't get me wrong I do enjoy working with many of the people I am working with but some just get under my skin. I am not kind about it either, i am purposefully short and sometimes rude. My personality is non-confrontational, so I only go so far, because I don't want to start a fight or hurt anyone. I just get so frustrated, I have a hard time keeping my temper and attitude in check.
Now one of my co-workers, bless her heart, is a God-loving woman like myself but she's what I hope to be. She doesn't let anything bother her. She's got so much love and grace in her heart that people could be flat out rude and she just smiles it off and doesn't let it get to her. She has a true appreciation for people and knows how God and Jesus would act around these people. She challenged me one day, telling me things I already knew but need to know and I got mad. I thought she didn't understand me, how I thought. If she was at the job as long as I have, maybe she'd understand. My mom kind of has a temper and such, and I would blame it on that, genetics of all things. Deep down though, I knew she was right. And I think what bothered me most was tht I let myself get to this point, to the point where I am not patient with anyone and only kind to a few. Instead of being kind to those who are mean to me, because maybe that's all they need.
I need a change of heart. I need to adjust my thinking, and open myself up to God so he can change me. Being rude and angry toward those that irk me isn't the way. Like I said in my positive reinforcement post, maybe they need a kind word, maybe they had a bad day. I don't know and it's not necessarily my place to know. All I need to do is worry about my heart and my attitude. I need to focus on doing what I know to be right and not let myself get bogged down by other people's opinions and how everyone else responds. I know it won't happen over night but I want it to change. I don't want this dark and ugly cloud over my head all the time. I want to enjoy every aspect of life and all it has to offer. Besides it takes more muscles to frown than to smile and I don't want frown lines. hahaha. A superficial reason but the main reason is I want to be the way Jesus would be. You may not believe it but Jesus would just smile and take the rudeness, he would let it roll off his back and be kind to them anyway. I want to be like him, I want to be like my co-worker and I can be, I just have to be willing to change.
This trial won't be easy and I know it will take time, but once I get through it, I will be that much stronger. I will be that much more pure and closer to be the most valuable goal. But most of all I will be a much better person in this world, a world that needs good people, at least more of them. SO I encourage you, if you know ways you need to change, you can! there is hope!! That's the best part! You can change if you want, you don't have to stay that way, that's what excites me the most. I am going to change and I can't wait to embrace it!
Be Blessed Dearest Readers!
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